We're Off to Pay the Wizard....

It was dark and dreary on the hill. The weather had turned from a pleasant autumn day to a cold and rainy night. The wind blew and whistled through the trees making groaning noises as they strained to remain erect. Lightning flashed across the sky forming a bizarre jigsaw pattern. The building on the hill seemed eerie and out of place for the countryside. Each flash of lightening reflected off the tall glass windows creating surreal images. The cold brick and mortar seemed less inviting then it was months ago when the picture of this mystical place was first published. Now as Bubba crept his truck up the winding driveway he began to think this was not a good idea. He had been promised wonders beyond belief, a new future, life without worry, and fantastic images of success filled his head. Now as the wind howled and rain beat the rust off his vehicle Bubba longed for the days in the mill. Life had been so simple then. Get up, go to work as he had for 23 years, sit behind his worn and creaky textile machine, put in his 8 hours, and come home to his three kids and his high school sweetheart.
But that was years ago. The mill where he and his father had worked (43 years for his dad) now was reduced to bricks to be used for the patios of the New York upper class. He could almost hear the cocktail party taking place on the Manhatten patio as two bleach blonde, over the hill socialites wearing Cartier necklaces discussed the recently completed patio.
Hillary took one more sip of her Cristal champagne and continued, “Yes, Barry and I waited months for the patio to be completed. The contractor, the same one that Tom Cruise used by the way, had a terrible time getting the brick. They came from a little mill town in Virginia. We thought we had them months ago but can you believe, they actually wanted to KEEP the old buildings that these bricks came from. Can you imagine? Well luckily someone down there saw the wisdom and dropped a wrecking ball on the place and we got our bricks! I can’t wait until the old wooden beams come for the game room. I better not hear any of that “historic” stuff. The Marlowes will be here at Christmas and I want that room done. Aren’t these bricks quaint? You see the markings on some of them? I’m told they came from workmen who sharpened their textile knives or something on the bricks. Look you can almost see some cotton fibers still clinging to them. If those bricks could talk…. Well they would probably say, get a job!”. Hillary threw back her head and laughed.
All Bubba wanted now was to turn around and race down the hill away from this place. But he knew he couldn’t. He had been out of work for over 14 months. The house was gone, and the truck would be next. He needed a job. The building on the hill was his last hope. But he had a nagging feeling that the glass and brick monster was not all it was cracked up to be.
He pulled the truck near the front door. The lights of the building reflected upward creating shadows that appeared to be reaching for Bubba. “Come in,” they seemed to call. “We know what you need. Have no worries.”
Bubba hesitated at the door. As each flash of lightening streaked down from the clouds it illuminated the inside of the building. He saw people scurrying back and forth along the hallways and open areas. It reminded him of the rats in the mill. Right now Bubba would have preferred rats over what was in the building. He knew that once he passed through the door there would be no turning back. He stood before the edifice created by the Council of The Dan. Weird lights blinked and flashed throughout the building. It reminded Bubba of the old pinball machine at the bowling alley. But these lights were coupled with cash register bells when they went on and off. A bell like sound shot from the building. Did it signal that an angel got its wings? No it meant someone got a new grant. For Bubba was not in Kansas (or Kentuck) anymore. He stood before the Castle of the Future lead by Dr. Franklin-stein and his Council of the Dan. There before him was the biggest mystery of all…….the Institute!!!! (Fade to black)
Sounds like a good story doesn’t it? Well this story is built on facts. Bubba had stumbled his way into the present day version of Count Dracula’s castle. But just like Dracula this monster was here to suck the life out of a community.
The Institute was built and funded on a series of grants, state funding and tobacco settlement money. (Pet Peeve #1: It’s amazing that when some of the people involved in these projects talk about grant money they act as if it was not “real” money. Several had said that no tax money was used, only grant money. Well what do they think grant money is? Your right....tax money!) The High Council met and decided among the bankers errrrr I mean the “visionaries” what was best for Danville. The High Council met (I bet there were hoods and flaming torches involved) and developed the idea of the Institute. This would be the saving project for Danville. The Council members reared back in their chairs and reached around with distorted arms to pat themselves on their backs.
The Institute was created, according to their Minister of Gobblegook, to create jobs. Stop. Someone please name me one job that the Institute created other then the high paying career coaster personnel that work there? Oh yeah, they created a gardener position to tend to the corn that is going to be made into concrete. What you say? Yeah concrete from corn. That’s our big future. How about bioinformatics? Lets see….what Danville worker will we put into gene finding, genome assembly, protein structure alignment, or sequence alignment? Again jobs are created but only within the Institute. The supporters say that they are “future” jobs. Unfortunately Danville workers have “present” bills to pay. How about getting a job that the average Danville worker can do? They don’t want to cruise the information highway, they just want a job building it. Danville has a noble history of providing some of the most skilled workers who produce superior products. Don’t sell them short.
The Institute and its proponents truly believe, I hope, that they are doing something good for Danville. Should they be successful it would be a great step for the area however if it falls flat on its face as other institutes in Virginia have then it will just be another waste of money. The so called Future of the Piedmont Committee which developed the idea of the Institute was so successful that one of its founding members is now….you guessed it……….an employee of the Institute! Well at least one Dan River laid off employee got a job.
And so Bubba stands in front of the Institute doors, rain streaming down his face. All the bells and whistles inside have no meaning to him. All he wants to do is click his heel three times and be back at work. He slowly turns around and heads back to the truck. He turns and looks one more time at the glass and brick palace. Hmmm he wonders. Do you suppose the bricks and steel of the Institute would make a nice loft condo project on the New Your City Eastside? Could the economic wrecking ball do that? Maybe Hillary needs an extension to her patio. Bubba could care less. His mind is elsewhere. Tomorrow the electric bill is due.

Danville Darwin Awards

I am pleased to announce that nominations are now open for the first annual Danville Darwin Awards. These awards will go to the activity, person, or idea within the Danville Public Schools that borders (or crosses) on the ridiculous or is just plain stupid. Several people have suggested that I open it up to all the city agencies however there is so much it must be manageable award procedure. As such I have narrowed the focus to Danville Public Schools. Perhaps in the future the “awards” will be expanded to other agencies but for now I will focus on DPS. So much fodder…..so little time.
Here are the rules. You, the readers, nominate a policy, idea, decision, belief, or action by a school board member or an employee or most importantly a central office administrator. The nomination must be an item that deceives the public, wastes public funds, is a down right lie, or seems to indicate total lack of caring for students, employees, or the public. I know…so much to choose from! All nominations must be verifiable, true, and be able to be documented. This is not “Incredible Stories That I Wish Had Happened.”
The nominating committee (me) will review all submissions and choose the ones that make the awards (hey its my blog!). The awards will be featured in a future issue. I have heard many nominations already that are public knowledge. Don’t worry if you are a school board employee I will protect your identity (as well as any other person who submits a nomination). Make your submissions by October 12. Send all items to Savetheschools2@aol.com . Make them good, it should be an interesting awards ceremony. I thought of holding them at the Institute but geez who can afford the rates! Well I guess I could get the state to sponsor it then it would be paid for by the public.
Thank you for the many kind comments to the blog. As my daughter says, “If it’s the truth, it needs to be known.”
Don’t hesitate, send in your nominations today!

Held Hostage by a Gang

The citizens of Danville have fallen victim to gang violence. More sinister then any LA gang these gangsters were able to operate practically unseen by anyone in Danville. Unfortunately these gang members were not Crips or Bloods who wore bandanas, tattoos, and wielded guns. These gang members wore suits (some with dresses), designer shoes, and carried briefcases. This gang had several names, the Memorial Hospital Board Disciples, the Banker Mafia, and the Sell Out Kings just to mention a few.
How are they a gang? Well lets look at the law and see the definition: “Virginia State Law 18.2-46.1 defines a criminal street gang as any ongoing organization, association, or group of three or more persons, whether formal or informal, (i) which has as one of its primary objectives or activities the commission of one or more criminal activities; (ii) which has an identifiable name or identifying sign or symbol; and (iii) whose members individually or collectively have engaged in the commission of, attempt to commit, conspiracy to commit, or solicitation of two or more predicate criminal acts, at least one of which is an act of violence, provided such acts were not part of a common act or transaction.”
Gee, seems like this group qualifies. If denying adequate medical care is a criminal act then we have a clean sweep. This group most often referred to as “The Board” engaged in the commission of acts that denied quality medical care to many Danville citizens.
The facts are simply this:
Board gets greedy. Board sells to greedy group. Greedy group screws up. Greedy group tries to white wash problems. Problems grow. Greedy group hires and fires. Greedy group forces hospital to offer sub par medical care.
How will it all end? Many believe the next line to this story will be: Greedy group sells hospital and sails off into the sunset. This was a one act play from day one. Anyone could see this coming. But the question is why? The answer is simple---greed.
The hospital for many years was the crown jewel of the city. It had its problems but none the less it functioned as an integral part of the social and economic make up of the city. People rallied behind it during good and bad times. Donations poured in and allowed the hospital to grow, evolve, and continue to serve the citizens. It was part of the fabric that cloaked the city with good will and security. Were emergency rooms crowded? Sure. Did people complain? Sure, but very few. It was an inconvenience that people put up with to insure they had access to a not-for-profit hospital that they felt connected to in some way. Volunteers filled the halls, the coffee shop, the wards, and the offices. People were actually allowed to work off hospital bills by working at the hospital. A true social experiment.
The hospital grew and grew, equipment was updated, state of the art computer equipment was purchased, top notch physicians were attracted to the area, and all was good in Mudville.
Then the gang moved in.
Like all gangs they sneaked in under the radar and no one saw it coming. The secret handshakes began, the strange language started, and the gang began to circle for the kill. The calf had been fatted and now it was time for the sacrifice, all under the banner of what’s “good for Danville.” The OG’s (Original Gangsters) could wait no longer, the dollar signs were intoxicating. The secret was contained but it would soon be the talk of the town. The stealth of the negotiations rivaled the A-bomb secrets. The suitors were whisked in and out of Danville while the OG’s sized up the offers. Who would make the highest offer?
When all the dust had settled another gang, the Lifepoint Outlaws, had taken the turf as their own. The Hospital Board Disciples merrily walked away with briefcases stuffed with cash. How much did they receive? No one really knows, but it was “good for Danville”. Most of the cash was destined for the Golden Calf on the hill, the Institute. “This will save Danville !”, said the banker gangsters. “Trust us. We know more then you do.” they assured the citizens. Little did they know the storm that was brewing.
Lifepoint roared in on their motorcycles and looked over their “turf”. Hmmm the OG’s thought. This place has lots to plunder. And so it went. They slithered through the hospital slashing and burning as they moved from department to department. They soon discovered that the hospital computer system was so sophisticated that their antiquated programs would not work! So a logical business decision would be to upgrade the software. No, not this gang. They ripped out nearly all the computer systems and installed out of date computers that could handle their software. A giant leap for Lifepoint, a leap backwards for Danville. The working population began to drop as workers realized they were on the Titanic and the lifeboats were leaving. Before they were canned they simply jumped ship. The surrounding hospitals were eager to get these highly trained individuals. And the quality of care in Danville began to suffer.
The hospital gang sat back and let things go from bad to worse. Pressure began to mount. The “old gang” of Memorial began to sweat a little. What if people really began to look into what we did they wondered. How can we take the heat off? Throw money at them they decided. So the Benevolent Disciples stepped forward and proclaimed, “Hear ye, Hear ye! The Disciples will alleviate all your worries. We will shower the local counties and cities with money. The Emerald City, the Institute, will receive our blessing. The Pittsylvania County church of a gang member will receive a gift. The DCC Castle will be showered with funds. Oh yeah don’t forget to toss a bone to Caswell County.
Employees at the hospital unfairly became the scapegoats. Short handed they strained to maintain services. The emergency room took the worse hit as service suffered and time delays grew. Then the hammer fell. Accreditation was in jeopardy. The Lifepoint gang met and mulled over the problem. Hmmm, what can we do to take the heat off the gang. “Toss them another CEO!”, they decided. So another CEO made the slow trek to the guillotine.
The neighborhood became restless with the gangs and began to fight back. The Hospital Board Disciples ran for cover. The gang could not fight so many people. The biggest gang of all, the City Council Bloods, entered the fray as always…..late. They quickly put together a commission to look at the issue and issue a report. And so a group met and met and met and met……. The final report told everyone what they already knew. A gang had taken the Crown Jewel and was holding it for ransom. The City Council Bloods threw up their hands and said, “We did all we can do.” The Hospital Board Disciples smiled………..all the way to the bank.
This story is not a work of fiction though many wish it was. This is how gangs infiltrate a city and eat away at its core. No one seems to care until it is too late. What can be done? New gang legislation? Increased gang intelligence and enforcement? The train may already have left the station.
And the gangs smiled…..all is good…..all is good.

You Know You Live In Danville if...

Recently the Register and Rag, a daily fishwrap masquarading as a newspaper, printed an article on how you know you live in Danville. Here is my reply to it. (Some of these were donated by my kids.)

You Know You Live in Danville If

- “fine dining” means you go some place that actually serves the food on a plate.
- the streets are torn up every year just when school starts.
- utility bills resemble a Lexus payment.
- even the doctors won’t go to the hospital here.
- merge signs are merely a suggestion.
- “economic boom” is defined as a nickel increase in the price of scrap copper.
- the main newspaper is filled with news from yesterdays Richmond Times Dispatch.
- the age of your shoes are greater then the age of most Danville police officers.
- its easier to adopt a child then adopt a pet from the shelter.
- the Institute reminds you of Emerald City in the Wizard of Oz. A lot of bells and whistles but no one really knows what goes on behind the curtain.
- the streets are sprayed with water BEFORE an ice storm.
- the top job producer in the city is “demolition”.
- the school board could not pass a SOL test (Standards of Logic)
- restaurants serve food “deep fried” or “really deep fried”.
- The three largest religions are Baptist, Baptist, and NASCAR.
- Rotor Rooter is needed to clean out the arteries of the average citizen.
- the city needs a “multi media director” to produce the municipal version of the “Gong Show”.
- the city still collects trash the way they did in the 18th century.
- the day of judgment comes but you don’t worry since Danville is 10 years behind so you still have time.
- all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Danville Memorial Hospital back together again.
- you decide to move to the county so your kids will get a decent education.